Karen Bernetti with Staging4Smooth Transitions wrote a great post yesterday: So, Your Parents Are Selling The House You Grew Up In. My parents remodeled my room when I went away to college, not the greatest idea as far as I was concerned, but it was nicer after the work was complete.
Home Sweet Home In The Ground
They eventually sold the home, and after the home had been sold a couple times, the most recent buyer last year decided to level it and build new.
Now THAT was disturbing. Didn’t the new owner know about all of the great parties I threw at that house while the parents were away…?
Home Sweet Hole In the Ground.
So, your parents are getting ready to sell the house you grew up in. If you’re like many adult children, you might not be happy with their decision. Even though you don’t live there any more, you’re probably attached to that house and all the memories it contains. The thoughts of someone else living there could be absolutely unbearable to you.
While it’s not uncommon for adult children to be sad to see their parents sell the family house – try not to interfere with their decision. The house could be getting too difficult or too expensive for them to maintain. And depending on their health, the house might not even be safe for one or both of them any more. Sure you might be willing and able to help them take care of it – but they might be too proud to ask.
Parents [typically] make a lot of sacrifices for their children and at some point that has to stop. Parents should not be forced to stay in a house that longer serves them just to appease their adult children.
No doubt, making the decision to sell was very difficult, and they’re probably emotional about it too. You parents need to do what is best for THEM. They need your support and maybe even your assistance. Try to put your own feelings aside and help them. Talk to them about their decision. If they’re excited about their move, try to get on board with those feelings (even if it means pretending at first).
For seniors who have lived in the same house for a number of years, the process of sorting through years of accumulated stuff can be very overwhelming. There are lots of things you can do to help your parents, here are just a few:
1. Round up your siblings and get rid of all the stuff your parents have been storing for you in their attic or basement. They have enough of their own stuff to sort through right now, they shouldn’t have to decide what to do with your old clothes, toys, comic books, baseball card collections and/or college text books.
2. Offer to help them but let them stay in control of the process. Allow them to go at their own pace.
3. If you’re worried that your parents will get rid of some things that are precious to you, talk to them openly about it. Be sure not to ask for something unless you’re certain they’re ready to part with it.
4. Parents often start giving things away that their children might not want. While you shouldn’t be forced to keep something you don’t want, do try to be as tactful as possible about it. Emotions run high during times like these and feelings could very easily be hurt.
5. If you can’t help out because you live too far away or if your work and/or family obligations are too excessive, offer to research professionals in your area who may be able to assist them. Look for professional organizers, move managers and stagers that specialize in helping seniors with their downsize moves.
Even if you are close enough and are not too busy to help, you might still want to seek out the assistance of a professional. An unbiased, unemotional third party might be just what your family needs right now!
Perhaps you feel your parents are making bad decisions about the sale of their house or are being irresponsible. Share your concerns with a trusted family member, friend or attorney. Remember that in the end it’s ultimately up to your parents to decide what’s best for them – even if that means they’re spending your inheritance.
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